Today, I got out of bed. It was dark in the dorm room, as no one had turned on the lights yet because some people were still asleep. Every weekend morning is like this, slowly I grab the handrail and come down from the top bunk, trying not to make any noise, and then I turn on the small lamp on the desk, it's orange, I always feel that it's more comfortable than the white fluorescent lamp in the dorm room.
At the desk, like every morning, I mindlessly check the new messages on my phone, deleting various junk messages sent by apps one by one. Even though there is a delete button, I always browse before deleting, not because I'm afraid of missing any important messages, maybe it's just a habit.
The room is so quiet that I can hear every breath I take and the creaking sound of the bed. No one is talking, and I instinctively reach out and rub my hair - it's a bit oily, maybe I should wash it. I walk out of the room and smell the damp earth in the air, it's probably raining. I stand in front of the sink, wash off the oil on my hands that I left earlier, and listen to the sound of running water. Maybe I'll just put on some loose powder, since I won't be going out on the weekend anyway, but suddenly I'm a little worried about my hairline, so I take the shampoo and go into the bathroom, taking a shower. After showering, I push open the heavy glass door, and the room is still dark, with only two desk lamps on.
I take out a face towel from the shelf, throw my underwear and socks into the basin, and soak them in water and laundry detergent - I always feel that soaking them like this is more effective than rubbing them with my hands. Finally, after finishing my morning routine, I sit back at the desk, and my roommate next to me also wakes up, and suddenly I don't know what to do.
I pick up the list I prepared before going to bed last night, which lists several things I need to do recently, excluding final exam review, of course. It says that in January, I want to read a book called "Unnecessary Passion". I remember I bought it because I was attracted by the title and cover, I had never heard of this book or its author before, I think it's also a kind of fate. I open the book and start reading the preface, the author describes the language of the book's author as "mixing calmness with passion, and weaving sarcasm into sadness", and tells a lot of stories about this author.
I'm not very interested, nor do I find it boring, so I continue reading. I read the first essay, which should be an essay, called "This is really a foreign land". Although I can't relate to the author's identity as a "foreign student in the United States" at all, her writing is infectious, not strong, like using watercolor paints diluted with too much water, giving every detail in her story a layer of light grayish-green color.
After reading the first essay, I close the book. I couldn't find any extra bookmarks in the drawer, so I took out an extra card from a tarot deck and put it in the book. The card is called "Lunalapin", I know Luna means moon, and the main characters in this deck are all little rabbits, so Lapin probably means rabbit in Latin.
Reading essays and novels is very different, I feel it for the first time. Essays don't have the captivating storytelling like carefully arranged stories, but you can feel the author's thoughts in the plain language. It won't give you too much dopamine to keep you reading, it's like meeting a stranger in a cafe who has some common topics with you, and both of you say something that resonates with each other, and then one of them's coffee is ready, so naturally they leave. After that, maybe they will savor the conversation on the way home, but no one will be happy enough to jump while walking.
This kind of reading experience is like a cup of tea or honey water that is a bit diluted, not as delicious as usual, but unexpectedly good.
The last roommate also woke up and turned on the lights, so I turned off my small lamp. It's almost noon, and I still haven't said much. I put on my shoes and went out, estimating that I can pick up a package and buy lunch on the way, the timing should be just right. As usual, I took out my earphones and decided to listen to some different songs today, so I clicked on the popular playlist of "Gao Wu Ren".
The idle time on the way is always boring, there is nothing on my phone that interests me except for Moments and QQ Space - I can't possibly open Bilibili to watch videos while walking. I have also had several experiences of angering friends because I was absent-mindedly chatting with them while walking, and my casual attitude annoyed them. Plus, it's not convenient to type with things in my hands, so I just put my phone in my pocket. It's good to think about things during this time, but I always forget what I thought about while walking.
Back in the dorm room, after eating, I thought about playing a game, so I opened "Don't Starve" and spent some time defeating bosses and decorating the base, and then logged off. It was a little after two o'clock, and I thought it wouldn't be bad to make this time a fixed game time in the future.
Because it's the last day to submit assignments, besides the final exam review that I have been procrastinating on, I don't have anything else to do, so I opened WSL and Visual Studio Code to start working on my C programming assignment. I was struggling with pointers and structures, and my head was getting dizzy. I thought it was probably because my mind wasn't clear, and my other roommate was also coding, complaining, dissatisfied, and cursing, with a hint of arrogance that almost every second child with an older sister has, which always makes me feel disgusted, even nauseous.
As I write this, I can't help but think of the idiot who made me a fool for four years before, he is also his younger brother, and he has two older sisters. I can't be sure that all parents favor boys over girls, nor can I criticize these "youngest boys in the family" for being too arrogant in a childish way, but I can't deny that these people haven't left a good impression on me.
Maybe I should go to the library, but it's too late now, and I no longer have the mood to do my homework. Anyway, it's the last time, and it seems that my C language teacher has never checked the assignments, so I close the code editor, take out the snacks left over from yesterday, and continue watching the unfinished episode of "The Big Bang Theory" during lunch.
I have a strange habit, my rest time is tied to my eating time, once I finish eating snacks, I naturally turn off the video and start doing something else. But today I don't have much to do, or maybe I should say, I don't feel like doing anything. The projects on my list and the books I haven't finished reviewing make me feel unmotivated.
I push open the balcony door again, turn on the tap to wash away the oil stains on my hands, and find that the clothes soaked in the basin this morning haven't been washed yet, so I simply rub them with my hands, wring them dry, and make a space for them on the crowded clothesline. I return to my room, take out the book again, make a cup of coffee, jasmine-flavored, climb onto my bed, turn on the bedside lamp, and start reading the second essay of the day.
Unnecessary passion, just like this book, today is indeed a cold day. I don't feel it's particularly exciting, nor do I feel bored to the point of wanting to tear off my scalp; I haven't spoken much, and I haven't even chatted with friends online. This kind of day without highlights unexpectedly deserves to be recorded.
Unconsciously, I took out the card that I used as a bookmark before and looked at it carefully. I searched on my phone and found out that Lapin does mean rabbit, but it's not Latin, it's French.
Diary on January 7, 2024